!! The choice !!

Long ago there used to be a kingdom far-far away… everything about that kingdom was like a dream- just perfect! The people were very helpful to each other… content… happy… the King used to treat ‘em as family.

It was like one big family under one roof… that of the vast sky… ‘n’ over one floor that is the earth…

There were two wells in that kingdom- one for the general public while the other one for the King ‘n’ the Queen in the palace where they lived…

Somehow the Satan never visited that kingdom… but then nothing is for ever… ‘n’ so one fine day Satan was passing by that kingdom ‘n’ whatever he saw there made him feel bad, uneasy, uncomfortable… he climbed up one mountain ‘n’ sat there for some time… he thought for a while ‘n’ smiled ‘n’ went up to the well for the common public… he took out one potion of madness from the bag he was carrying ‘n’ poured it in to the well… he then left smiling while everyone in the kingdom was sleeping… in the silent night… to some other kingdom…

The very next day, unaware about what the Satan did the previous night, one by one all of them became mad after drinking from the well…except for the King 'n' the Queen... ‘n’ so they started indulging in to things/acts they shouldn’t… The king got worried seeing this all ‘n’ so out of concern he tried to convince ‘em that they shouldn’t be doing such things… he tried a lot but none listened… what happened instead was that the people started believing that their King has gone mad ‘n’ so they decided to de throne him…
Somehow the news reached the King ‘n’ so he went to the Queen ‘n’ told her about everything… they thought for some time ‘n’ then they went to the well of madness ‘n’ drank from it… ‘n’ so the king ‘n’ the queen, like others became mad!

‘n’ so they lived happily ever after…

*****************

In this life we’ve two options… one is to follow the path that the king chose ‘n’ drink from that well of madness or else stay away from it- ‘n’ let ‘em think what they think…
The choice is to be insane in other’s view or to be insane in one’s own view…
So then choose ‘n’ choose well for there’s just one life ‘n’ there aren’t any retakes in the motion picture of life!

someone told me i look like Devdas in this pic! huh! do i???

! The Battle within- a debate- "To Be or Not To Be" !

Hi!! I'm a part of you, a very integral part! I'm the one who makes you think what you think… I'm the one who makes you do things… the one who makes you write something… the one who helps you know what you want to know… I'm the one who makes you design what you design… who helps you to arrive at a solution to any given problem… I'm the one who calculates the profit 'n' the loss… I'm an integral part of you- I'm your "MIND"!!

And I'm your "HEART"- I'm the one behind all your unreasonable actions… I make you feel what you feel- I'm the one who makes you emote… I'm the one who makes you smile- who makes you cry… I make you do all the righteous things- to make others smile… I'm the one who makes you sing songs… I'm the one who makes you think beyond the numbers 'n' figures… I'm the one who makes you love what you love… I'm your "HEART"!! without me you can only survive, you can't live your life!! So then pay heed n listen to me… coz I'm your well wisher!!

But what is it that you want to tell me… why are you here- the two of you??

Well we were having an argument when suddenly we saw on the screen some words- "TO BE OR NOT TO BE"… so we're here to tell you what's good 'n' what's not… to tell you what u shud do 'n' what you shud not!!

Well then go on… I'm listening!!

Well , I'm your mind 'n' my calculations 'n' my logical thinking tells me to "stay away"… too much risk… too much suffering… too much pain… it's like following a mirage, don't you think so?? It's too vague a picture to fight for… you'll end up hurting yourself… so then STAY AWAY!!

Hmmm… well I don't agree! What's it that's certain?? What's it that's sure?? Well nothing actually!! I know that the picture is still not clear- but that's b'coz of the fears 'n' doubts you've b'coz of your calculations… Don't you think that it's worth fighting for?? There's risk 'n' there's gain… only those who kill their fears, doubts & follow their heart, manage to realize their dream/s… their aim/s… so believe in your dreams 'n' go for it… Do try!!

Haah!! Crap!! Don't listen to him… I'm your well wisher… huh! Big words, Big dreams… open your eyes 'n' face the truth- face the reality!! Listen to me- no need to take risks… I don't want you to hurt your self… take the safer path… follow me! There's so much pain- thorns ‘n’ only thorns! Listen to me ‘n’ end it right here!! Forget about your dream- it’s like chasing a mirage- you can never reach it, my dear! You've hurt yourself once- ‘n’ you don't want to repeat your mistakes… you are wise enough to learn from your mistakes… You don't want to hurt yourself?? Do you??

You can't just sit there 'n' wait for something extra-ordinary to happen- some magic- something b'ful!! Life aint like that… you'll have to make efforts to realize your dreams… I don't want you to regret later on that you didn't try… that you didn't put in enough efforts!! I'm not telling you that you'll realize your dream- you may ‘n’ you may not!!

"Braving the miseries of life is more noble than shutting yourself up in silence.
The moth that flutters round the fire until its own death is more admirable than the mole who lives in a dark tunnel"

Can't you see, can't you feel this something in you?? Don’t you think that it’s worth fighting for?? Life aint just about numbers ‘n’ figures- they sure are important, but don't let this feeling die in you… Just believe in it, 'n' fight!... listen to this voice that's within you ‘n’ try ‘n’ hope ‘n’ fight… it's worth fighting for!! Don't you think so?? Don't you believe?? Don't you??

And so the argument goes on ‘n’ on ‘n’ on… 'n' the confusion multiplies!!

Sometimes my heart wins the battle 'n' sometimes my mind manages to convince me by giving me numbers 'n' figures- frightens me, discourages me against it…

The dream is still there somewhere…
And so I wonder- "to be or not to be"!!!

Life goes on……….

"a gift- an invisible chain"

I was thinking what should I give you on your first B’day, my little one. I thought a lot and finally this is what I’m sending your way… some words… some thoughts… “an invisible chain”… too bad that you don’t u’stnd the language I speak ‘n’ I have forgotten the language that you u’stnd/ speak- that is the “language of innocence”! But on the other hand I feel it’s good that you are still pure, that you don’t u’stnd the language this world speaks…

Long ago when I was very small, I used to get frightened by the things I haven't seen or experienced… something invisible… I created some images in my mind… why 'n' how I don't know… we all have certain images in our mind that we fear… One day while I was sleeping something woke me up… I don't know whether it was a "dream" or "reality"… but I woke up terrified coz I saw those images… I closed my eyes 'n' started praying to my Creator… After a while I gathered some courage 'n' opened my eyes… only to find a beautiful little fairy looking at me… smiling… she then asked me what is it that you fear, my little one? What is it that makes you shiver, my little one?? I said, I know not! But there's something there in the dark that stares at me all the time… the fairy smiled 'n' waved her magic wand in the air… She then gave me one invisible chain 'n' made me wear it around my neck… "Now onwards there'll always be one angel to protect you from those things/images that you fear… As long as you wear this chain 'n' believe in it's power nothing can harm you in any way"… And so she disappeared into the nothingness wherefrom she emerged… that day onwards I never saw those images again… I never feared anything, for I believed in whatever the fairy told me… I believed!!

Now I know what that invisible chain was all about… that little chain is the chain of trust… a circle of trust in the Oneness of Allah- the Almighty Creator… As long as you trust in Him, nothing can harm you, my little one…

On your first B’day, I am sending you that very "Invisible chain", the fairy gifted me… Wear it 'n' face the world fearlessly… May you be one warrior of light 'n' may you be able to fight what you must fight…

"Life"...

When I chose this topic i.e. “life”, I was thinking that I can write so many things. But now that I’ve started writing about it, I’m finding it really difficult. Words aren’t coming to me. I’m finding it difficult to pen down my thoughts.

This word life brings a smile on my face. The moment I think about this four letter word, some question marks surface on the screen of my mind. Sometimes it makes me smile and sometimes it just makes me think- so many things visit me, so many faces, so many incidents, frame by frame appear on the screen of my mind. This life happened to me some twenty eight years back, on the 8th day of January, 1979… Back then I wasn’t aware about these dates and months and years… about this ticking crocodile… time! I knew nothing or maybe what I knew back then I’ve now forgotten. I would like to feel what I felt back then when I arrived into this world… the first thought that came to my mind… Did I feel anything? Or is it that I wasn’t educated enough to feel, to think back then?? I don’t know… it’s weird!! I mean I don’t remember anything of my initial days in this world… Was it planned this way only by the Creator? It really makes me smile. I feel so very helpless that I know nothing about the Creator ‘n’ the creations, about myself, about anything. It’s strange that I don’t even know anything about myself.

All my life I’ve been waiting/ searching for something. I don’t know what it is that I’m looking for. I dream about having a dream worth fighting for. Is it the same with everyone? Maybe! But I’m not concerned about others. What matters to me is me, myself. I don’t know why is it so difficult to accept the fact that we are all selfish. Whatever we do we do it for ourselves only. Even when we do something for others, in reality we do it for ourselves only. Why can’t we accept it then? Why do they think that being selfish aint good??

I still remember how I used to ask my mother about my purpose on this earth, in this enormous creation- universe. What am I doing here mother? What was there when I wasn’t here? What’ll happen to everything after me??? The moment this thought hits me, the screen of my mind becomes blank!! And when this thought escapes my mind, those images re-appear. It amuses me! It makes me smile!

Who are these faces that surround me, what’s this disturbing noise? What are they doing here?? There are just two things that exist- “me” ‘n’ “Him”! Rest everything is an illusion!! When I’m alone I try to connect to the One. But I never get a response. Maybe I lack something… something very basic… but I’ll know it one day ‘coz one thing is sure, the game can’t go on like this. There should be some twist, some turn in this tale-o-life to make it interesting, to keep it going… and I believe I’m not that far from that turn, that twist…

I look for sign/s, some clue/s in life. It’s like solving a puzzle where you look for clues/hints to crack it. Sometimes you manage to read the signs correctly ‘n’ so u reach the next stage but sometimes you just don’t get it right ‘n’ so u return to where you were. You feel bad but then again the show must go on ‘n’ so u stand up again, gather some strength ‘n’ again start looking for the signs/ clues to crack the puzzle i.e. life. It’s interesting… it’s confusing… it’s magical… it’s full of twists ‘n’ turns… this life which the Creator wrote… I’m the central character of this story, my story ‘n’ I believe there’s just one story… just one!!!

I wear masks to conceal my true self. Sometimes I wear the mask of sorrow, sometimes of joy, sometimes I’m emotionless, plain, blank… to some I’m a good human being, to some I’m bad, to some I’m just okay… some think I’m a bore, some find me interesting… some smile at me, some are proud of me, some are indifferent to me as if I don’t exist… but does it really matter? What others think about me? I don’t think so! I would like not to think so. ‘coz they think about the one with those masks- they don’t/ can’t think about the one behind those masks… What matters is what I think about myself- without any masks on- the real me!!

I would like to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think… its tough though- but then there ain’t any fun doing the easy things! So then I’ll keep on trying… keep on fighting…

Life’s calling ‘n’ I’m busy writing this blog… I better respond to its call! ;) will be back soon with some more words, some more thoughts…
Till then keep digging… keep on fighting… what you must fight!

"THE MOMENTS"

"THE MOMENTS"

Sometimes I wonder if its for the moments that we live for....
Our thoughts wander from state of extreme happinees to that of extreme sadness...
How can we be so happy in that single span of time and be equally sad in the next.....
Is not the state of hapiness even going to be long lasting?.....Ofcourse I have heard them say...without sadness .......we would not value happinees.......but then I do not want to be sad......I do not want to be troubled.....is that too much to ask for in life.....?
So it brings me back to where we say.......will we be awarded only snippets of this emotion where we have to make most of the little time we are given this happiness....
And we live on and on forever....with memoirs of these moments which will one day just pass by us by and we will never be able to re-live.....

But then I look back n peek into my past… through the window of my thoughts… about those moments- those shining magical moments … moments when I was happy… I can count those moments on my finger tips… what happened to the remaining time… were they not good enuf? Or is it that I cudn't convert em into memorable ones… tht I failed to realize the magic tht was within those moments… the happiness tht they contained… what happened to the remaining moments??

A seed transforms itself into a plant… then a tree… with branches… leaves… n thn some flowers… some fruits… it's because of the roots, the trunk, the branches, the leaves, thorns that the tree manages to give birth to those b'ful flowers… those delicious fruits… we see only those b'ful flowers, those fruits n not the roots, the trunk, those branches… not the whole tree… we just thnk abt the flowers n the fruits… the flowers manage to face the sun b'coz of the tree's roots, it's trunk, it's branches…

Those flowers, those fruits are those shining, magical moments… n that tree is the life tht we live…
How can I thnk n pray for flowers only, wen I know tht without the whole tree, they are nothing…
I shud rather try to collect as many flowers as I could, as many shining magical moments as I cud- so tht one day wen my hairs will become grey, wen I'll become old, wen I'll peek into the window of my past n try to recollect, try to see the tree- the whole tree- the roots within, the trunk, the branches, the leaves, the thorns n of course those b'ful flowers- the fruits… the image should leave a smile on my face- should make me proud!

If i manage to do that, i'll be one successful man!!!

...Black...

I am the queen of all colors
The color of magic
The color of mystery
I am the color of achievement, the color of the intellect
"I am black!"

I am the color of the dark silent nights,
The color of loneliness
The color of the world... of evrthg in it...

I am black!!...the color of the "blind 'n' deaf"!...

I am "blind 'n' deaf"!!

Evrthg in my world is dark 'n' silent
My Creator painted the canvas of my world with black!!
darkness 'n' silence are my accomplice
for I cant see... I can't hear!!
I m deaf 'n' blind!!
"Red" for me is black, "blue" for me is black, "yellow" for me is black
"Black" for me is red, "black" for me is blue, "black" for me is yellow
"BLACK FOR ME IS NOT BLACK"
"BLACK FOR ME IS WHITE !!"

For me black is the color of hope...
of beauty...
of light!!!

Mine is a different world than yours
for words don't have meaning in my world
Words don't have a voice in my world

Can you imagine how I dream???
How I think without these words???
without images???
Don't try... you can't !!!
You assemble some words 'n' images 'n' sound 'n' then give it a form
of a thought...of a dream!!!

But my dreams 'n' thoughts are different
'coz I don't think/dream in the language you speak
I don't u'stnd your language!!You don't u'stnd mine!!

You think you are blessed!!
I think I am the one the one who's blessed!!

!!! Inspiration !!!

Mirror, mirror on da wall, "who's da most inspiring of 'em all??"

Well there are so many things, so many persons in this universe to get inspiration from. But da one who tops da list, who's da most inspiring of 'em all is- Satan!!

He's so dedicated to his work… never gives up however tough da target maybe… so hardworking that he keeps on trying to achieve his goal- that of stuffing hatred 'n' foul things in one's mind… impurifying the pure thoughts of a pure soul. B'coz of the hard work he puts in his work, he's successful… very successful infact!! The widening divide b'win persons, b'win communities, b'win countries is proof enuf of his success.

Satan indeed is da most inspiring of 'em all!!

Satan indeed is da most inspiring of 'em all!!

Notes to My Self…

Sometimes I am some superhero beating up the goons, the evil… saving the oppressed from the oppressors… a man standing upto corruption despite threat of consequence… ordinary man elevating himself to make a contribution… changing "what I m" to "who I can b"!!!... someone striving to make a difference… sometimes I just sit there alone 'n' make some notes, some thoughts, to myself on a virgin piece of paper… sometimes I am a man, just a man romancing my woman, my fairy, the one for me… with some soft music playing in the background… I keep changing my identity by putting on faces of persons, characters I relate to 'n' do things I love to do… I can be whatever I want to be, I can do whatever I wish to do… sing songs, play music… just anything… everything… in my Neverland… my "real imaginary little world"!!

Sometimes I weave characters out of my imagination, around myself 'n' discuss things with 'em… Sometimes I take some characters from some movie, 'n' put my face on 'em 'n' do things they do in the movie… it's so much fun!!!... sometimes I take characters from my real life, my so called real life, 'n' do things that I cant possibly do in reality… doing something for those characters I cant in my real life… it gives me immense happiness, wandering into my neverland… sometimes with people I love… sometimes with the woman(the mirage, the illusion that I follow everywhere),just looking at her 'n' conversing in the language of silence, of love… 'n' sometimes I wander alone… just me 'n' my thoughts… just wandering 'n' watching the birds sing b'ful songs, Not worrying about who hears or what they think… amidst the b'ful flowers in the garden… Watching all the things around, the creations the Creator created… I have a house there… not that big… but big enough to house me 'n' my family… I designed it to perfection… myself… to my definition of perfection… not of others!!! It's a lovely feeling!!!

But it's always so very tough returning back to this world… to the reality… reality for you… 'n' I guess, for me also… in my neverland I am 'n' extra-ordinary man capable of doing anything- almost anything… and suddenly when I return back to the reality, I realize that I m so very ordinary, so very helpless, incapable of doing things on my own… it's a pity that I cant live in my neverland for ever… but I can die to be there… to be with the ones I really care for… doing things I really believe in… spending time with all those imaginary characters I have in my head… in my neverland… One day I'll b there… 2 get that happiness that has bin eluding me here in this "imaginary real world"…

So till then I'll continue living two lives… one for others 'n' one for my self… just for my Self!!! And for that I feel so very thankful to my Creator for giving me this option to satisfy my "ego", the hunger of the sleeping "warrior of light" in me… to be One Extra-Ordinary fellow… a king… of a kingdom… far far away… the kingdom, my kingdom of the Neverland…

How tough it is to distinguish the "Real" from the "Imaginary"… How very tough!!! I believe if I can do a certain task, a certain thing in my "real imaginary world", I can do it here also… in my "imaginary real world"!!!

..."Extra-Ordinary" to ordinary…

Small fingers, small eyes, small steps: a small child. He’s so cute, a treat 2 eyes. No one can ignore him!! He’s but a b’ful creation of the Creator!! The child, n amateur in the play of life, smiles at the people surrounding him, staring at him without any specific reason…

Small fingers transformed into big fingers, small eyes into big eyes with big dreams ‘n’ his small footsteps transformed into big strides of a grown up man… That very child is no more cute, neither is he a visual treat to eyes… people seldom ignore him!!! Satan caught hold of him ‘n’ stuffed hatred ‘n’ foul things in his mind… adulterated his pure thoughts.

He has learnt their language ‘n’ forgotten his own. Now he too belongs to their tribe.

Another soul has bin raped!! The Satan succeeded yet another time.

The Extra-Ordinary child is dead ‘n’ on his grave there stands an ordinary man!!
His Soul is dead ‘n’ the Satan smiles!!

Another mission accomplished!!!

When I “think”...

When I “think” everything ceases to exist… the faces around me, the things, the little creations ‘n’ the big ones- they all vanish- the image blurs ‘n’ then disappears… what remains is just me ‘n’ the One ‘n’ the vision… what I see others can’t, what others see I can’t ‘n’ I don’t want to… everything is based on assumptions! To me my thoughts, to them theirs… everything that exists, exists ‘coz I exist… the day I cease to exist, everything will vanish- will disappear… it makes me smile… a lot at times… what makes me think the way I think? What makes me love what I love?… what makes me hate what I hate?… what makes me emote?… what makes me judge?… good ‘n’ ugly… right ‘n’ wrong… Am I the only one? Yeah, I’m the only one... in my world! ‘n’ this world is for me alone! I’m good, I’m bad, I’m a thought that’s wandering in space- the space that is for me! Everything is linked to me… they all have a purpose, a reason ‘n’ I too have one!

And when I stop "thinking", when I open my other eye ‘n’ close this “real virtual one”, I see things around me… faces… objects… creations… they resurface… ‘n’ it makes me smile… ‘n’ sometimes I laugh out aloud!!!