My frustrations, my troubles are my handicaps that make me lose myself completely and make me feel weak… In such a moment of weakness one day I decided to pack my bags and go some place away from everything… even myself… And so I just had my bags packed and left… I took a bus to place I went an year back…
I got down at the station… it was late in the evening and so I couldn’t find anything or anyone to take me to the hotel… so I started walking towards the hotel… all the while I felt as if someone was following me… For a long time I couldn’t find anyone… and then at one point I looked back and found a man at one corner… It was getting dark so I could barely see his face. I stopped for a moment and then carried on… towards that hotel…
Some fifteen minutes of walk and I was there… I went to the reception and finalized a room for myself… the receptionist called up the room attendant to help me with my luggage… I looked at the guy… a handicapped man struggling to walk or even stand… there was something wrong with his back… I looked at him… he took my back sack and started walking… the room was at the first floor… Seeing that the guy was struggling with my luggage, I offered to help but he declined saying, “it’s my job!”… I didn’t insist! He opened the door of the room and got in… I looked at the room- it had one big window at the centre of one wall opening to the street in front of the hotel… he opened the curtains… I went to the window, looked outside and asked him,” Do you belong to this place?” He said no. “It’s one of the things I love best about this place. Everyone came from somewhere else.
“I hope you’ll be very comfortable here. Please call down if you need anything.
“There are no flowers. Is it possible to get some flowers in the room… violets? Or… I love violets. I am not expecting you to buy them of course if you don’t have ‘em.”
“I am sure I can find some violets!” he said and left smiling…
After a while he returned with a big purple flower.
I was surprised and asked him, “how did you do that?”.
“I didn’t do anything, you must have requested them. They were downstairs in the lobby.
“No, I didn’t!”
“All the better”.
“Incredible”, I said… looking at the flower.
“So you’re lucky. These violets were waiting for you.
He smiled and asked me, “Are there any other miracles I can perform?”
I looked at him and said, “Oh, I doubt it!”… with a sigh…
He stopped smiling and turned away and suddenly fell to the ground… I rushed to him and helped him sit. He was bleeding. I took a tissue and helped him clean the blood coming out of his nose. “Are you alright? Put your head back. Are you in pain?” I asked. I stood up and went to the toilet to get some first aid. I returned but he was gone. I looked at the door for long…
I went for a shower, got dressed… took the flower and looked in the mirror. I was thinking about all that has happened in the past… all the struggles I had to go through… I was lost in my thoughts when someone knocked at the door. It was the same guy.
He looked at me and said,” I have something for you!”.
He entered with a coffee tray.
“The mystery of the violets is solved. My father is manager here at the hotel. He’s very happy you’ve returned to the hotel. He admires you sir. He says he heard you sing last time when you were here.
“Please thank him”, I said.
“Delhi is a place I wish to visit.”
“Would you like me to serve coffee, sir?”
“Perhaps.” And I closed the door.
“Would you join me? Please…” I asked.
He accepted and smiled pleasantly looking at me while pouring the coffee in the cup. All the while he was looking at me and by the look on his face I felt as if he was trying to hear something… some kind of music probably…
“You seem so sad. No one so young should be so sad.”, I asked looking at him.
“Do you sing?”, he asked.
“I used to but not anymore. I lost my music!”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I would have loved to hear you sing.
You are too cold. Surely! How can you bear it? Don’t know how you can bear it?”, he said and went to the window to close it.
I was smiling looking at him… moving away… He faded away into the light coming into the room… I could see him no more… and then I heard a thud… I rushed to the window and looked down. He was lying there on the street… bleeding… dead!
It took some time to get a grip of myself… I called up the manager.
“I can’t see anything, sir. Did you see something in the street?”- asked the manager.
“Would you like me to close the window for you sir. It’s very cold in here.”
Yes, I nodded. Please close the window.
“The manager is very happy that you are here again. He remembered your love for the violets and hopes you enjoyed them.”
“Please thank him.”, I said and smiled.
He left soon afterwards.
I thought about everything that had happened. My journey to that place. That feeling that someone was following me. That guy at a distance, I saw on the way to the hotel. The room attendant, his piercing eyes, the violet flower, the manager, the blood and death dancing on his face. I smiled thinking about it. I realized it was all but a figment of my imagination. That handicapped guy struggling to walk was the other me who follows me wherever I go. He’s a part of me who limps and struggles and bleeds...
At that precise moment all my troubles evaporated and what was left of them was just a smile… a pure smile… gently resting on my face… and I found my hidden music back… I was singing… and smiling… in silence…
I returned!
