The Dive...

"Song of Childhood"

When the child was a child
It walked with its arms swinging,
wanted the brook to be a river,
the river to be a torrent,
and this puddle to be the sea.

When the child was a child,
it didn’t know that it was a child,
everything was soulful,
and all souls were one.

When the child was a child,
it had no opinion about anything,
had no habits,
it often sat cross-legged,
took off running,
had a cowlick in its hair,
and made no faces when photographed.

When the child was a child,
It was the time for these questions:
Why am I me, and why not you?
Why am I here, and why not there?
When did time begin, and where does space end?
Is life under the sun not just a dream?
Is what I see and hear and smell
not just an illusion of a world before the world?
Given the facts of evil and people.
does evil really exist?
How can it be that I, who I am,
didn’t exist before I came to be,
and that, someday, I, who I am,
will no longer be who I am?

When the child was a child,
It choked on spinach, on peas, on rice pudding,
and on steamed cauliflower,
and eats all of those now, and not just because it has to.

When the child was a child,
it awoke once in a strange bed,
and now does so again and again.
Many people, then, seemed beautiful,
and now only a few do, by sheer luck.

It had visualized a clear image of Paradise,
and now can at most guess,
could not conceive of nothingness,
and shudders today at the thought.

When the child was a child,
It played with enthusiasm,
and, now, has just as much excitement as then,
but only when it concerns its work.

When the child was a child,
It was enough for it to eat an apple, … bread,
And so it is even now.

When the child was a child,
Berries filled its hand as only berries do,
and do even now,
Fresh walnuts made its tongue raw,
and do even now,
it had, on every mountaintop,
the longing for a higher mountain yet,
and in every city,
the longing for an even greater city,
and that is still so,
It reached for cherries in topmost branches of trees
with an elation it still has today,
has a shyness in front of strangers,
and has that even now.
It awaited the first snow,
And waits that way even now.

When the child was a child,
It threw a stick like a lance against a tree,
And it quivers there still today.

- Peter Handke 
- from the german movie "wings of desire"

“Terrorism & Politics”

“If only we could go up in the sky and see the world from there, we wouldn't find any boundaries… It’s a pity that we can’t do that”

Long long ago on the planet earth the inhabitants used to speak & understand the same language… used to wear same kind of clothes… everything was perfect on the planet for they were all the same to each other… But then nothing is forever & so one fine day a small l’le company came to that place with an intention to rule… with an intention to sell their “product”… it was a garment company… no one knows wherefrom and how it came to that land… The idea was new and so the inhabitants looked upto the company and listened to that company in excitement… unaware about the intentions of that very company… The company used to produce “garments” of different colors- red, yellow, blue… Initially the company produced very few colors to the people… but with the success of the idea, the success of the product, the colors multiplied… The people had never seen such bright colors and so they bought the garments… The news spread and within no time everyone knew about the company and their product… those garments… The company introduced the word “different” to the inhabitants… it was a new idea… It was the first time that the people heard that word and so they listened in silence about that word… the concept of “difference”… the concept of “identity”…

So with time there were different sections of people different colored garments… different sections were formed on that land, the same land where once up on a time there was just one section… that is for all… one could easily identify who belonged to which section… People bought the idea of “difference” and so a difference was thus created between them… The employees of the company wore “grey” garments… The company arranged various lectures n’ seminars for those different sections… to educate ‘em about their idea… Each group n’ each section was convinced that their color was the best… they were all programmed to think like that… They became obsessed with their colors… with that idea of differentiation… And so that idea resulted in some boundaries between the people… some lines were created on that once upon a time boundaries less land… some divisions were made…

And whenever a child was born to those sections, to those communities, they fed him/her with the same idea, the same thought… the very thought of “differentiation”… of “identity”… of “color”…

Time passed and that very company grew with time… The company now had branch offices in each and every corner of the world with a number of outlets selling that fabulous product… that idea… a garment that should have clothed their bodies did much more than that… It now clothed their minds… That garment, those colors became their identity… Those company guys wearing grey colored garments were found everywhere selling that idea making those boundaries darker n’ darker… wider n’ wider… so wide that it was next to impossible to cover the distance… that widening divide…

The company then targeted one color out of those many n’ created one face- one image n’ pasted it on that color… and that image was passed on to the remaining colors in silence… It was a well thought, well researched idea that resulted in a program which the company made… The image created was so ugly n’ horrifying that the other colors were afraid of that one color n’ started hating it… Initially they were not convinced… but the program was so well made that with time they were convinced about that image of that one “color”… so with time that one color was looked down up on by the other colors… they were all scared n’ hated that one color… that one color n’ that image together made the company a worldwide success…

The company has huge expansion plans n’ the way things are moving on it’ll continue to be a success… The employees of the company are so devoted and hardworking that it’ll grow even more with time… people are so used to their colors, those suits, those boundaries, that thought process now… The company is like one big cloud covering whole of the earth, whole of humanity… it never goes away… and when it rains, there’s just one color everywhere… thick dark “RED”… the color that unites us all… the color of blood that flows in our veins… Irrespective of on what color it rains, the result is the same everytime… RED!!! The same color that united the inhabitants before that company came into the picture…

Only a miracle can save the inhabitants from that enormous cloud… I look forward to that miracle… But I also know that miracles don’t happen on their own… so rather than waiting for that miracle to happen, raher than standing n’ watching it all from a distance, making opinions, it’s time we should act now before it’s too late… It’s time to act!!!

You may ask now, what’s my color… what’s my identity… what section do I belong to??? What is the color of the garment that I wear???

I am but a thought… just like that company… though I don’t like this word “different”, but now that you ask me let me tell you that the color of this thought is very very different than the color of the thought sold by that company…

Let’s start a company just like them n’ make garments to clothe the entire humanity… let’s not give any name or color to this thought… this garment… let’s just sell this thought…

A thought… just a thought, changed the face of this earth n’ of its inhabitants… and only a thought can change it again…

“If only we could go up in the sky and see the world from there, we wouldn’t find any boundaries… It’s a pity that we can’t do that”

"Two Heads on a Pillow"

"Two heads on a pillow”

“Two heads on a pillow” caught the attention of a wanderer in a city that never sleeps… a city where so many dreams of varied shape, size n’ color breathe n’ fight to survive that enormous cloud of “reality”… some dreams die young… fighting… some give up, some continue with the fight n’ carry on… with a smile… with a hope… the one thing that keeps us all in the game… the game-o-life… n’ there are times when we don’t even know what exactly we are hoping for… we just hope… for a better tomorrow… for a better life… for everything better… n’ carry on…

One fine day while I was walking on the beach of life, I noticed a couple sitting at the sea shore with an umbrella, holding one dream in their hands… silently… I stopped n’ started watching ‘em from a distance… they looked lost n’ they continued with their silence for a long time… n’ I just watched ‘em from a distance… silently… they were looking at the sea continuously… ‘n in between towards that shining l’le dream in their hands…

Suddenly a strong wind took away that dream from their grip… into the sea below that enormous cloud… the wind was strong n’ harsh but still not that strong n’ so I wondered if they lost the grip intentionally… I felt as if they themselves gave the strength to the wind which took away their dream… they didn’t move for some time, looking at their dream struggling in the vast sea… trying to breathe… to survive… they were watching it all from the sea shore… in silence…

And then they got up n’ screamed n’ ran towards the sea… dived into the water together… fought hard with the waves… I noticed they didn’t know how to swim n’ so they struggled a lot… somehow they managed to reach their dream ‘n’ later on the shore… after the struggle… you don’t really have to know how to swim to swim… you just need to know that you can n’ you will… n’ so it happened… they managed to reach the shore… they looked exhausted… but one look at that dream n’ those waves of doubt n’ fear disappeared n’ they regained their strength… they returned to that very place they were sitting earlier… with that umbrella n’ that shining smiling dream in their hands…

The waves resurfaced after some time… they sat there for some more time… that happened a no of times n’ every time somehow they managed to rescue that dream from the waves… soon afterwards they walked away… together…

I sat there looking at the sea n’ I noticed a number of such dreams floating in the sea… struggling… fighting… n’ I noticed a number of such umbrellas at the sea shore… I smiled thinking about the sea, the waves, that enormous cloud n’ those shining floating dreams in the sea…

I smiled n’ continued with the journey… with an umbrella n’ a dream…
The waves followed…

And while I continued with my journey, in one place, below one roof in the city of dreams, two heads on a pillow were thinking about it all… with a smile n’ a hope… and there in one corner of that room, something was breathing n’ shining in silence… it was the same dream that survived the waves of doubts n’ fear n’ that enormous cloud of “reality”… that very night… it also survived those “two heads on a pillow”…

And in the other corner, something else was trying hard to breathe n’ survive with a thick layer of dirt on it…
It was “Faith”!

…The “b’ful illusion” that is “life”…

Sometime back I went to Dehradoon/Masoori on a vacation… stayed there at a friend’s place- Hasan… It was a b’ful trip… we went to a number of unexplored places… I heard a lot about Sahastradhara ‘n’ so I went there- but after reaching there I realized it’s not that great a place… We took the ropeway ‘n’ went to the top of the mountain in a trolley… It was a nicely developed spot- the view from the top is still fresh in my memory… After getting off the trolley, we were told to go through one tunnel… At first I couldn’t u’stand… the guy at the entrance of the tunnel then pressed one button ‘n’ the tunnel started to rotate around its central axis… there was a bridge at the centre of the tunnel which was static unlike the tunnel… ‘n’ we were told to use that bridge to go through the tunnel… On the inner surface of the tunnel there were some spiral neon lights in different colors… The moment I entered, I felt as if the bridge is also started rotating with the tunnel which was not the case… it was weird! I tried hard to concentrate but I just couldn’t… ‘n’ so I grabbed the handrail of the bridge so as to save myself from falling down the bridge… It was an illusion- just an illusion! My eyes saw it ‘n’ sent a signal to my mind which instantly told me to grab the rails to save myself… it was as if someone programmed my mind for some time ‘n’ I was being controlled by my mind… I knew it wasn’t happening ‘n’ that it was just an illusion ‘n’ still I couldn’t save myself from that fabulous “illusion”… Just to experiment, I closed my eyes ‘n’ after sometime it was back to normal… that illusion was gone… I couldn’t sense that illusion anymore… my mind couldn’t sense it… It was amazing… I smiled thinking about the illusion!

You are in a desert… thirsty… very thirsty… looking for some water to quench your thirst… you’re tired- almost dead ‘n’ then a miracle happens… You see some water at a distance… You smile ‘n’ gather all your strength ‘n’ start moving towards it… you walk ‘n’ then start running… you run ‘n’ run ‘n’ run… but you just can’t reach it… you just fail to cover the distance… the distance b’win you ‘n’ your “aim”… ‘n’ then the water disappears ‘n’ you realize it’s a “mirage”- no real water- just an illusion…

You’re disappointed… thirsty… you feel cheated, dejected… there you are left alone… again… in the desert… probably to go after some other “mirage”- some other “illusion”… with a hope of course…

Why did He create these illusions? To show us His strength? To tell us that He runs things here? And that we are mere spectators ‘n’ actors following His instructions ‘n’ that too without having any idea what’s there in the script of life- that He’s the Director- the Creator of the show…

Is life really w’ful or is it just an illusion… a series of illusions??? What then is reality??? Is there anything real??? Do we really exist??? Does anything exist???

It sure is an “illusion”… this life- this world ‘n’ everything in it… It’s just a creation of my mind… a mind created by the Ultimate Creator- The Creator of all… It’s very much like a game that I have to play ‘n’ in the end there’s one gift that awaits me… The quality of the outcome that is the gift depends on how well I play this game… How well I u’stand the rules of the game-o-life… How much I score… how many levels I clear within the “allotted time”… the path I take to reach there…

I hear the tick tock of the ticking crocodile swallowing these magical moments one by one… coming towards me… to swallow me as well… in the end… for a new beginning… hopefully…

It sure is an illusion- a “mirage”!!!

“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players… 
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts… ”

The Holy Grail

Did you ever hear the story of the Fisher King?

Begins with the king as a boy having to sleep alone...in the forest to prove his courage so he can become king. While he's spending the night alone... he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the Holy Grail... symbol of God's divine grace. A voice said to him, "You shall be keeper of the Grail... so that it may heal the hearts of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life... filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement... he felt for a brief moment, not like a boy... but invincible. Like God.

So he reached in the fire to take the Grail... and the Grail vanished... leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now, as this boy grew older... his wound grew deeper. Until one day...life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any men, not even himself. He couldn't love... or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day, a fool wandered into the castle... and found the king alone. And being a fool, he was simple-minded. He didn't see a king. He only saw a man alone... and in pain.

And he asked the king, "What ails you, friend?"

And the king replied: " I'm thirsty and I need some water to cool my throat."

So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water... and handed it to the king. And as the king began to drink... he realized his wound was healed. He looked and there was the Holy Grail... that which he sought all of his life. He turned to the fool and said: " How could you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?"

The fool replied: “I don't know.
I only knew that you were thirsty."

"It's a wonderful life!"

How does it feel to wake up after the night's sleep 'n' to see the sun rise 'n' smile at you???

How does it feel to see, touch, hear 'n' experience things/people all around???
How does it feel holding a baby in your arms???
How does it feel to see into the eyes of the b'ful woman in the veil that is "life"???
How does it feel to see a flower smile in the garden???
How does it feel spending time with l'le children who believe everything is a miracle 'n' who believe in the world of fairies 'n' angels???
How does it feel to smile… to laugh… to cry… to shout at times???
How does it feel to be alive???
How does it feel to see a miracle happen???
How does this "feel", feel???

I too was sleeping for God knows how much time 'n' then one fine day some angels of life woke me up into this world… some twenty nine years ago… I don't remember that moment now- I try hard but I just can't!
It doesn't really matter!!!

I saw things around me… I touched things around me; I listened to the voices… I experienced… I explored whatever I could… this life… myself 'n' I continue to do so… but somehow I feel that excitement has lessened over the years… the enthusiasm to live… to explore… the belief in the fairies 'n' angels has diminished over the years… I have changed with time… I believe this world is still the same- it's only the faces that have changed or disappeared… nothing has changed 'n' still everything has!

Life comes to me like flashes of light these days… it comes for a short span of time 'n' then goes away… tries hard to give me company but b'coz of the glass walls that I have created around me, these illusions keep that b'ful lady away from me… but even in that short span of time, when that b'ful lady walks with me, when she holds my hand, when she smiles at me, I get this amazing happiness… so immense 'n' b'ful 'n' overwhelming that it makes me smile like a child… the feeling that you get, the kind of calm 'n' happiness you get while watching the sun rise in the morning… after walking through the dark silent night… like watching the b'ful twinkling stars silently… like watching a flower smile at you in the garden… It is nothing less than a miracle- to be alive that is… to experience all these things… this life, this world He has created for me, this universe, these faces all around me… whatever I have… whatever He has given me! For this b'ful woman in veil is sitting right next to me 'n' making me think like this… making me write all this… making me share all this…

She's b'ful 'n' I'm still learning to see the beauty in 'n' around her…

Too bad I'll sleep again 'n' sleep I will but with a hope to wake up again to see the sun rise 'n' smile at me… to watch 'n' experience the miracle that is life… to spend some more time with this w'ful woman in veil 'n' to make the most out of it…

I'm so much in love with her… for I'm "awake" 'n' witnessing this moment 'n' 'coz she's still sitting right next to me… looking at me with love… whispering in my ears:

Earn your life- Earn this moment!
Don't let this "sleep" take you away from me… don't let sleep come to your eyes even when you are asleep…
Live well…
Laugh often…
Love with all your heart… for it's a w'ful life!

..."These lines are not mine"...

These lines are not mine...

Not even these thoughts...
I don't have nothing that's truly mine...
Not really!

This name is not mine…

Not even this face, this cage of bones…

A cage imprisoning the soul- my soul…

“My soul”???...

Well not really!

This life too is not mine...
Not even the death I'll be meeting one day...
What's mine I can't say...
Can't really!

I don't run things here...
He does!
'n' where exactly is He, I don't know...
Not really!

I "want" 'n' I "need" to meet Him...
There are way too many questions in my head...
A head that's not mine...
Not really!

There's just one thing that's mine...
'n' that is "this desire", "this Need", "this Want"...
to meet Him...
Maybe one day...
May be not... I don't know...
Not really!

'n' so it is... life goes on...
'n' so do I...
with a hope...
To have something that's truly mine...
"When", "why", "how"???... I don't know...
Not really...
Naah, not really!!!